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Symptom: Your feet are cold and wet.
Fault: Your glass is being held at an incorrect angle.
Action: Rotate the glass so that the open end points toward the ceiling.

Symptom: Your feet are warm and wet.
Fault: Improper bladder control.
Action: Stand next to the nearest dog, complain about house training.

Symptom: The beer is unusually pale and tasteless.
Fault: The glass is empty.
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer.

Symptom: The opposite wall is covered with fluorescent lights.
Fault: You have fallen over backward.
Action: Have yourself leashed to the bar.

Symptom: Your mouth contains cigarette ends.
Fault: You have fallen forward.
Action: See above.

Symptom: The beer is tasteless, the front of your shirt is wet.
Fault: Your mouth is not open, or the glass has been applied to the wrong part of your face.
Action: Retire to the restroom, practise in the mirror.

Symptom: The floor is blurred.
Fault: You are looking through the bottom of an empty glass.
Action: Get someone to buy you another beer.

Symptom: The floor is moving.
Fault: You are being carried out.
Action: Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

Symptom: The room seems unusually dark.
Fault: The bar has closed.
Action: Confirm your home address with the bartender.

Symptom: Everyone is looking up at you and smiling.
Fault: You are dancing on the table.
Action: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

Symptom: The beer is crystal clear.
Fault: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
Action: Punch them.

Symptom: Your hands hurt, your nose hurts, your mind is unusually clear.
Fault: You have been in a fight.
Action: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

Symptom: You don't recognize anyone, you don't recognize the room you're in.
Fault: You've wandered into the wrong party.
Action: See if they have free beer.

Slovíčka z tohoto článku si můžete prostudovat a procvičit zde: