A man walked into a bar and went: “Aaaaaagh!” It was an iron bar…

Grandmother desert after a fall at her boiler

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Funny

This is best joke in my life!!!!!

Time flies like an arrow,
fruit flies like a banana.

• Teacher: Use dandelion in a sentence.
• Jamaican Student: De cheetah is faster dandelion.

I love this one.

If “Plan A” didn't work.
The alphabet has 25 more letters!
Stay cool!

• Are you the new English teacher?
  • Yes, I are!

A man asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said: “Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!” He said:“Wow!” Then her friend said:“She means 666–3629.”

An IT technician is drafted into the army and sent to the rifle range to practise his marksmanship. His instructor gives him a rifle and some bullets. He fires several shots at the target, but at the target area they report that every single shot completely missed the target.

The IT man looks at his rifle, and then at the target. He looks at the rifle again, and then at the target again. He puts his finger over the end of the rifle barrel and squeezes the trigger with his other hand.

The end of his finger is blown off, whereupon he shouts to the target area, “It's leaving here just fine, the problem must be at your end!”

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Czech joke: Co si dáte k jídlu milostivá paní? Já si dám párky. A křen? Ten si dá taky párky.

Similar English joke: Would you like to order, sir? Yes. I will have a steak. How do you like it? Oh raw, please. What about the vegetables? Oh, they'll have the same as me.

I was in a London pub. I noticed two very large women by the bar. They both had strong accents, so I asked, “Hey, are you two ladies from Scotland?”
One of them turned to me and screamed, “It's Wales you idiot!”
So, I immediately apologized and said, “Sorry, are you two whales from Scotland?”
That's all I remember!!